


Mother Doesn't Know Best

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-14
Updated: 2004-05-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian's having a little bit of a bad day after a visit from the illusive Joan Kinney.    It's based in season four but it's not really a spoiler.





	Mother Doesn't Know Best

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"You're ringing." Daphne told looking at her best friend. They were walking along Liberty Avenue shopping for a party dress for a party Daph was attending. Justin went through patting down all the pockets he could find on his cargos until he finally retrieved his phone from the least suspected one. Who knew why he did that. "Hello?" He asked not checking the call display.

 

"What are you doing?" It was Brian. Justin could hear some emotion in his voice undetectable to those who didn't know Brian, so mostly everyone else. Justin looked up at Daph at the sound of his voice. He'd been drinking so something was wrong. People said he drank a lot but it was usually just when things were shitty, which . . . actually was a lot of the time. "Brian? Um nothing, shopping. What's wrong?"

"Can you come here?"

 

"Yes. What's wrong? Brian?" Justin couldn't help but panic. Then the phone cut out. Line dead. Damn him why couldn't he tell him what was wrong. Justin looked to Daph. "I godda go."

 

"He alright?"

 

Justin shrugged. "He hung up. Can I have a ride? He doesn't do that. He doesn't call for company. I'm either there or I'm not.  
Something's wrong."

She nodded grabbing her keys from her purse. "I'm sure he's fine. Was he drinking?"

 

"Yes, which means something is wrong."

 

"Justin, Brian always drinks."

 

"Not as much as people think." He defended hopping in the car. "Not to excess. Not unless something is wrong."

 

Daph squeezed his hand. "Well he just called so he's alright."

 

Justin was too busy gnawing his lip to listen to Daphne's reassurance. Fuck! Why did Brian do that? He was running through  
the family. Gus? The girls? Was someone hurt? Was Brian hurt? Godda love how Brian can take you from zero to panic in five  
seconds. When Daph pulled up in front of the loft Justin gave her a quick peck to the cheek.

 

"Coming home tonight?" She asked.

 

"Probably not." He called already running across the street. "Thanks Daph." She smiled and watched as he disappeared into the building.

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin scurried up the stairs to the loft door digging for his key. Why couldn't he ever find the fucking thing? He made a mental note that even if his Cargos had 8 pockets he needed to pick one and stick with it. Finally he got the door open. "Brian?" He called looking over the bare apartment. That always caught at his heart. Brian's beloved loft empty. He'd been so selfless. He was the good guy... and he lost almost everything. It wasn't fair. He scanned the loft again and saw him lying motionless on the floor. Fuck! A terror like nothing he'd ever felt suddenly rushed over Justin. There were just so many pills he could take so many ways he could just forget what it did. Brian was careful with his shit, but... it would only take one time. "Brian!" He rushed over to the man lying on a rug. An ash tray full of joint butts lay next to him and an empty Fifth of Jim Beam.

Brian was lying with his eyes closed. Why wasn't he responding!? Justin got on his knees trying not to cry, and shook Brian's  
shoulder. "God please. Brian. Hey Brian c'mon wake up. BRIAN!" He cried out.

 

Bleary eyes opened just slits. His lips curled up, and Justin relaxed a little.

 

"Hey Sunshine." He whispered.

 

"Hey Sunshine!? Brian you just scared the fuck out of me. I thought..."

 

Brian's muddled mind cleared a little. He sat up, and took the shaking teen into a hug. "I'm ok. I'm always ok right?" Brian  
said softly. Justin nodded into Brian's shoulder.

"Don't fucking do that to me. K?" The young man begged, and Brian looked down at the empty fifth. Poor Sunshine. Back to pick up his pieces again. Justin stood. "C'mon... let's go lay down."

 

Brian smiled and slurred slightly. "Kind of handy that the bed's the only piece of furniture in the house."

 

Justin smiled a little around his worry helping the inebriated man walk. "Uh huh. What's wrong?" They plopped on the bed. Brian smirked, but his eyes looked sad. Justin was so happy Brian's emotions were learning to come out, but, god, the heart break of seeing those eyes was terrible. "Hey." Justin said when Brian sunk into thought. "Bri?"

 

He looked up. "Joanie had a visit! Sweet lady. She would have stayed longer . . . but there was no where to sit." He joked. That explained it. Fuck the Kinney's and their high family values. Justin was tempted to make a visit to Joan Kinney's humble abode, but tried to focus on her handy work at the moment. Why couldn't she just die? Justin couldn't believe he'd ever think that about someone, but... really. Why not? Justin pulled the older man's head into his lap, and ran his hands through his hair. Brian liked it. He didn't say he liked it, but it always made his lips turn up into the start of a real smile.

 

"What happened, other than you drowning in a fucking pool of Jim Beam after she left?" He smiled slightly at the glare that  
garnered. Then Brian just shrugged, and closed his eyes trying to think about Justin's fingers in his hair. His mother was so  
brutal. He never knew she could be like that. She was making up for his father now that he was dead.

 

"She spoke. Wanna know the only thing that can conquer a Kinney? Another fucking Kinney. Everyone thinks I'm such a fucking asshole..." He trailed off figuring Justin could complete the thought.

 

Justin smiled a little. He knew saying Brian wasn't an asshole would just get him a laugh. That was his outward appearance sure  
but there was so much more to him. "What'd she do, Brian?"

 

He smirked. "It's that time again, Justin. It's time for our annual save the queer talk. At least I wasn't fucking when she came  
this time." Justin winced a little. He was the one he'd been fucking when Brian's mother had found out.

 

"Yea." He scoffed. "I enjoyed that."

 

Brian smirked and pushed hair out of Justin's face. "She's just pissed off Claire never found someone like you."

 

Justin laughed and kissed Brian's lips tasting the liquor. He was completely drunk, but somehow Brian always stayed coherent. Well, if booze and weed were involved. If it were any harder drugs Brian could sometimes turn into a mumbling idiot. "Is that it?" Brian smiled a little and nodded. He'd felt so awful when his mother had left. Telling him he deserved to fail (seeing all his  
shit was gone) and reminding him that's what happens when you turn your back on the lord. He physically ached. No matter how much he said he hated her how stone like he was he still just wanted his parent to love him. To fucking say she loved him in some sort of way. No he was just a fag. And a fag who deserved to loose his job. He told Justin she'd said as much.

 

"We'll poison her wine." Justin told covering his anger with a joke. "The cops won't blame us."

 

Brian smiled a little. "We'd win a fucking award. You know they were thinking of making a pro cigarette campaign after Jack  
died. `Sure they gave him cancer, but, really, who liked him anyways?'"

 

Justin shook his head. He knew what Brian said, and what he felt were two very different things. He kissed the man's forehead. "You don't mean that."

 

"Cause you know everything about me." Brian said rolling his eyes.

 

"I know how much it hurts when she does that." Justin said ignoring the very Brian-like comment.

 

Brian was quiet for a minute then closed his eyes. "Yea... well. Don't tell. I'm not supposed to have that emotion."

 

Justin smiled sadly. Brian knew the game. Brian knew. Everyone knew. They all had their parts to play. He was the asshole. Vent your anger on him cause he can take it. Usually he could, and he always looked like he could. He, of course, knew they all knew they could depend on them when they really needed him. Or used to be able to... not now... his mother had reminded him so sweetly. "You'll be ok Bri."

 

"I'm fucking POOR!" Brian yelled pulling away from the comfort of Justin. He stood wobbly and flourished with his hands. "And she thinks I deserve it. I DON'T... I don't fucking deserve it." He mumbled quietly.

 

"No. No you don't deserve it, Brian. That's why you'll be fine." Brian looked at him from where he stood in the stair way. Justin  
could tell his mom had set a fire inside him, and just sent him into deeper realization that he'd lost a lot. He was living in an empty apartment that meant so much, and was on the verge of loosing it. Brian leaned heavily against one of the glass panels his eyes half lidded.

"It's not a perfect world Sunshine. Nice guys finish last, and I learned that early. That's why I never was one." That one  
sentence said a lot more than just the words. He finally was admitting to Justin `I did care once... I was open I could love, and  
no one loved back, and now I'm this man: Fucked up and broken.'

 

"No one always wins, Brian. They don't always loose either." Justin told standing from the bed.

 

"Well I did. I lost it all."

 

"Fuck you, Brian. You didn't loose everything." Justin said taking offense. Even Brian had agreed the night Stockwell lost. He hadn't lost everything.

 

"No. Fuck you, Justin. I know you're still here, and, you want to hear it? I'm fucking happy you're here. I'm not the same anymore. You changed me. Congratulations." Justin just looked at him. He didn't think he'd ever hear Brian say that. Whether he was drunk and pissed off when he said it he still said it. "But it's still important. It's still part of me. A huge fucking part of me. Do you know what money means to me? It's not because I couldn't live with less. I could . . . I have I've lived with nothing, but it's the freedom. It's my fucking freedom, and I can't help that it means that to me. Every fucking check I slipped into Jack's grubby fucking hand, every time he had to ask sonny boy for money I was reminded: You don't need him, and that fucker needs you. Every fucking ridiculous piece of furniture that I could afford was proving to people who kept FUCKING saying I wasn't shit that I was something. It's not just a loft, it wasn't just furniture, it wasn't just a fucking painting, and it's not just money, Justin. It was proof. I was some one. Now I'm fucking no one. As Joanie was so happy to remind me. Cheers to her."

 

The man mocked a toast to his demon mother. Justin just looked at the man. Brian hadn't said anything like that ever. He guessed not even to Michael. He just wanted to cry. He knew Brian's life had been hard, and he thought he knew Brian was hurt, but seeing it right on the surface just a little bit of how much shit Brian went through was almost physically painful.

Brian just scoffed. "Great. My life's that pathetic? It's that hopeless huh? Not even Sunshine has a pearl of wisdom to share."  
The man lost his grip he had on the partition that was holding him up, and began to fall. He was on the ground before Justin could get to him.

 

"Brian!" He kneeled next to him. He was staring at Justin with a small sad smile. Justin laughed sadly. "Could you quit this whole self destructive habit of yours?" He had tears in his eyes but he was keeping it from his voice. Brian reached up and wiped a tear.

"I haven't been fall down drunk in a while." He said thoughtfully.

 

Justin shook his head. "Maybe you need to stop trying to prove things to her." Justin said after a minute not sure what kind of response he'd get. He half expected him to deny he was working to make her proud even though he'd just kind of admitted it.

"Think so?"

"She's not going to change, Brian. She isn't a good mother she never tried to prove anything to you don't kill yourself trying to  
prove something to her."

 

"It's not all for them." Brian told closing his eyes either to hide from the intense blue eyes of his incredibly perceptive 20 year old lover, or to keep the room from spinning. "It's for Debbie, and Mikey, and Vic, sonny boy...You..."

 

"We'll be ok, Brian. And you're still worth a friendship . . . even poor." Justin said with a smile.

 

"Oh yea?"

 

"Mmmhmm. Despite your best efforts you're a good friend, and a good father." Justin paused a minute brushing a hand over Brian's cheek the way he used to when Justin was so pissed off at the world after the bashing. "You're even a good undefined and unconventional boyfriend."

 

Brian opened his eyes and looked into Justin's. He smiled openly. "That so?"

 

"I'm still here aren't I?"

 

"Unfortunately." Brian teased with a smirk.

 

Justin chuckled and hit him playfully. He knew not to take it seriously. He leaned down, and kissed his lover deeply and  
passionately. "You'll be okay. You'll get a new job. You're Brian Fucking Kinney."

 

Brian looked into Justin's eyes. Did this kid know that for every bit as mature as he was he was just as young and sweet? He still looked up to Brian in some sort of awe even when even when the man was looking up at him... on the floor and drunk off his ass, with Justin telling him he was going to be ok. He pulled Justin down with him where he'd fallen. He didn't really feel like getting up anyway. Too high... too drunk. Justin rested his head on Brian's bare chest looking up at Brian. The older man caught his hands in the long blond hair. Everything else was blurry, and out of focus, but Justin lying with him, helping him, loving him was completely clear. "You're a good man, Justin."

 

Justin smiled closing his eyes. "You too, Brian."


End file.
